My drops of tears I'll turn to sparks of fire

Finally, on Thursday, the letter explaining my chemo schedule arrived.    Firstly, it had a 'treatment education' appointment on it, for two days previously.   Just as well I've had chemo before, eh?!   And it had a chemo clinic appointment on it for Friday, so a quick rearrangement of my appointments and I was ready to go.   I had hoped to get some work done around the appointment, but I didn't, so ended up taking the day off.     I feel more relaxed knowing that I'm not taking the mickey with the amount of time off, and I have TONS of annual leave.  Giving some back. At my appointment, the oncology nurse, Lesley, said that I would definitely be having 4 treatments (Yay!), and those would be of docetaxel/taxotere  and cyclophoshamide .   This second one was news.   Teresa had talked about carboplatin, not this one.    But Lesley said she'd made enquiries, talked to some others and the decis...

It's been an odd week. And it's still only Wednesday.     On Saturday, I just could not find any mojo.    Sydney got a short walk.  Some of the house got cleaned, but not much.   I was in a foul mood and it was all I could do not to take myself back to bed and stare into space.    As usual, I had a list of things I wanted to get done in my head, but couldn't focus on them.   The weather was cold and drizzly, which didn't help.     I annoyed myself with my lack of productivity.  I know many might tell me to let myself have a day off and not feel bad about it, but it wasn't as if I could even focus on anything fun.  I didn't want to knit, crochet, read or watch a good film.    I just didn't want to be conscious. Spot the snow dog I made a conscious effort to get some things done on Sunday, and it worked.   Sydney got a longer walk (in the snow), the weekly shop was done, and I go...

Castell Coch I had my MUGA heart scan today, at the Velindre Cancer Centre .    It's a long time since I've been there, just off Junction 32 of the M4, in the shadow of Castell Coch , but as soon as I arrived it all came back to me.   It's actually a great centre, modern, clean and the staff are fab. The scan is preceded by a couple of injections.   I think the first one is a 'carrier' fluid, and the second is the radioactive one.   There's a 20 minute wait between them, and then straight into the scanner.    The technician had to have two attempts to get my vein at first. More on that in a bit.  The scan itself is very easy.   Lie on the bed, blanket tucked over you, 3 sticky pads and connectors on your shoulders and rib. Your arms are wrapped up for comfort, and a pillow popped under your knees.  The radio is on.   Then the scanner (a big flat square) is aligned on your left, and stays there for 20...

This week has been a bit of an emotional one. After the shock of realising I would need chemotherapy on Monday, and both of us feeling very low on Tuesday as a result (not helped by Greg's cough disturbing our sleep!).      However, a little bit of time and thought, and we have both got our head around the need for this, and are ready. We've been stirring up our positivity by quoting songs and films to each other:  For me, Ali in the Jungle by The Hours. "Everybody gets knocked down. How quick are you gonna get up? Just how are you gonna get up?" For him, Batman Begins. "Why do we fall, Bruce?  So we can learn to pick ourselves up". That, and our natural position of not dwelling on the bad stuff, the stuff you cannot change, we went into the clinic this afternoon with open minds, wanting to get this started (and therefore finished) as soon as possible. So we're ready for this. Are you? It's complicated, so ...

Hi blog fans, and apologies that there haven't been any updates for a while.  Mainly because nothing much interesting has been happening.   We've had a fairly typical Christmas, eating and drinking too much, seeing family and friends, and lounging about doing not much.   Over the break I made two crochet bunny rabbits - and forgot to take pictures of either of them - who have gone to two little girls who much appreciate them.   I have also remodeled the middle bedroom, with help from Greg, putting up the shelving, into a sewing room. Everything tidies away nicely for when it is needed as a guest bedroom. My scar sites have healed well.    The plasters on my nipple came off last night, and the scar is almost invisible already.  It is a semi-circle around the top edge of the areola, and virtually no indentation can be seen.  The area is still a little tender, but otherwise fine.   The scar in my armpit is a bit pink, but a...