My drops of tears I'll turn to sparks of fire

It is now Christmas eve, and I realise a few people might have been a bit worried about me following my last post. Apologies, i'm fine really.   Anaesthetic and the whole emotional roller coaster of having surgery really does take it out of you. My scar sites appear to be healing well. I can tell because the plasters have all fallen off my armpit one, showing a very neat, straight line at the bottom of my armpit.  The last one dropped off yesterday, so today I will gently see if I can get all the stickiness off as it is rubbing a little. If it keeps rubbing, i'll pop another plaster over the top, just to prevent that, but without touching the wound.  Its a tricky place to dress, as you can't help but have lots of heat and movement there. The plasters just above my nipple area are all intact. That whole area feels less sore, so the bruising is healing up nicely. Since my last post, I've had my birthday, so i'm now officially 45!  I had a funny morning, as Gre...

I've spent the last few days feeling very confused.   Largely, it is dizziness continuing from the anaesthetic.  I've read that it could take a week before all the meds have fully left my system, but I am definitely having to take it slow and move carefully, otherwise I get a bit woozy. I mustn't move my head too quickly. Partly, it is processing what has happened.  I'm giving Sydney short walks as Greg's leg is still hurting and we can't risk him damaging it further - especially with me unable to drive - and on yesterday's walk I had a little bit of a sob.   It was my first time on my own since the operation, and I had started thinking about how lovely the nurses and doctors all were.   Jean, Augusta and I had all said we would not have had better treatment if we'd gone private. Nevill Hall is a fabulous little hospital, with some of the best doctors. The nurses actually seem happy.   We were very fortunate to be there. I had though...

Wednesday 13th Dec was the day of surgery.   I was up early to give Sydney a short walk, knowing that Antony would be around later to give him a better one (Greg tore a muscle in his leg not long ago, and is still mending).  The snow from the previous days was rapidly melting, although still crunchy underfoot due to the low overnight temperatures. We arrived at the hospital at 7.30am, and sat in the waiting room until my bed was ready.   Throughout the morning I was called in to sign and complete various forms: consent, with Mr Gomez (and an arrow drawn on me to make sure the correct side was targeted), another form with the ward Sister, another with a Junior doctor, another with the anaesthetist.   I went down to ultrasound to get the wire inserted. It stung a bit when they put it in, despite the local they gave me.   They nearly gave me a second local, but by the time they'd faffed a bit, the sting had gone away.  They drew on me to show where...

Tomorrow is the Day of Surgery.   I'm mostly not at all worried, partly a little bit worried.   Trying not to think about it too much.   Focusing on the process and being fascinated by that.  What will it feel like to have the wire guide inserted under a local?   Will they be able to use the anaesthetic advice I've gathered from previous surgeries, so I can avoid having green puke?    Will I feel woozy afterwards or wide awake?  How big will the scarring be, and will it be sore? I've always been amazed at how pristine surgical scars usually are - nothing like a bramble scratch!!! How hungry will I get if I can't have breakfast OR lunch?  I've finished all my work until 3rd January (yeah, OK, except for one or two bits I want to keep an eye out for). I'll spend this evening putting a little bag of things together, and hoping that the snow melts and we get to Abergavenny safely.  And eat a hearty dinner to line m...

Driving to work this week, I have been catching up on my podcasts.    Every day I listen to the Archers episode from the day before, and also catch up on Desert Island Discs, The Life Scientific, Money Box, Danny Baker, The Eddie Mair podcast and iPM (also Eddie Mair - he's really excellent).  Matt at work also got me into Serial, and following the case of Adnan Syed. A fascinating legal case.   These keep me entertained on my 2-3 hours of commuting every day. A recent iPM episode is Should I Research my Illness Online  (broadcast 25 Nov 2017, just over 12 minutes long), so as a librarian with an illness it made interesting listening.   The case discussed is of esophageal cancer, but the points made by the consultant and nurse are relevant to any illness, and particularly any cancer. So, lots of people say not to Google your illness - including the doctor in the case on the podcast - and the patient listened and decided to "trust this man, bec...