The night before...

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Tomorrow is the Day of Surgery.   I'm mostly not at all worried, partly a little bit worried.   Trying not to think about it too much.   Focusing on the process and being fascinated by that.  What will it feel like to have the wire guide inserted under a local?   Will they be able to use the anaesthetic advice I've gathered from previous surgeries, so I can avoid having green puke?    Will I feel woozy afterwards or wide awake?  How big will the scarring be, and will it be sore? I've always been amazed at how pristine surgical scars usually are - nothing like a bramble scratch!!! How hungry will I get if I can't have breakfast OR lunch? 

I've finished all my work until 3rd January (yeah, OK, except for one or two bits I want to keep an eye out for). I'll spend this evening putting a little bag of things together, and hoping that the snow melts and we get to Abergavenny safely.  And eat a hearty dinner to line my tummy!!!!

We've had some moments of anxiety over the past week.   Feelings are running high, not much is being said and we're all dealing with things in our own way. Tomorrow is the day of reckoning when I need everyone to stay strong, be brave and come on out the other side with vim and vigour.      I'm going to milk the 'being looked after' thing, OK? At least for a day or two.   And then I'm going to be a super woman and scoff in the face of people who don't get on with life, for maybe a day. Maybe two.  

And then I'll calm down and recognise that we all have shit to deal with, and it isn't always easy, and none of us can be brave all the time.    And I'll go back to walking the dog, and revelling in the beauty of the Forest of Dean. Hopefully without quite as much snow as we've had this last few days.

See you on the other side, enjoying the sunrise. xxxx

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