My drops of tears I'll turn to sparks of fire

The Day Before   -  The usual clinics and apart from the usual 'how have you been? do you need any drugs to deal with symptoms?' questions, I also saw a lady about the next step, radiotherapy.  I was pleasantly surprised by this, as I had wondered if I had to wait until I saw my surgeon again - and that appointment keeps getting put back. She ran through the potential side effects.  Soreness, blistering, tiredness that tends to be cumulative.  Heart damage, lung scarring.     Last time, I had just a plain chest wall on my right side zapped and 15 treatments, so apart from getting a square suntanned section, really didn't have any problems.   This time, I have a breast, a nipple, and a heart for them to work around.   If they can't avoid the heart area, they'll make me breathe in and hold my breath during the treatment as this makes more distance between the zaps and the heart. That's the most worrying thing, especially a...

Today, I met with Karen from the medical genetics team.  I last met her 8 years ago, when I was tested for genetic involvement in my cancer and the results came up with nothing, so I didn't have any expectation that things would be different today, but was informed that testing has got better, and there are genes other than BRCA1 and BRCA2  (usually pronounced 'bracka') that they can look for, so it is worth giving a fresh blood sample and having another look. I mentioned before that my oncologist can't quite believe that I've had cancer twice at an early age without any genes being involved.   I was told last time that there really aren't enough females in my family to give much evidence, but my grandmother had breast cancer at the same age as me, so me and my mum think it is likely there is something .  I realised as I talked to Karen today that the previous testing could have missed something.   She said the chances of BRCA1 being present is ...

Until now, I have only worn my wig once, when I went out on Sunday.   Mostly, I don't think twice about it, but when i'm chatting to people I can't help but be over-aware that they  might be looking at me and wondering what's going on with my perfect, shiny locks!   It looks pretty good, but almost too good, if you know what I mean! Yesterday, I decided I was fed up with the fluffy look of the cut that Greg had given me a couple of weeks ago. Since then, most of the half-inch long bristles have rubbed out so it was much thinner than when he cut it, but a bit patchy and uneven looking.   So we decided he would shave it to a No 1 cut. Not quite clean shaven, but not far off.    Almost as soon as he had finished he said "I preferred the fluffy look" and I have to say, when I looked in the mirror, I agreed! Never mind, it is done now, and we'll probably both get used to it. Today, I'm wearing the wig, as I'm popping out later on, and expectin...

Just catching up with this week's treatment.  As before, will post daily updates to keep a diary of progress. The day of - Wednesday 7th March The appointment was at 3pm, so Greg went off to work to get some things done, and I cleaned the house in preparation for sitting on my arse for a few days.   When Greg returned, we beetled down to Velindre with me snoozing in the passenger seat, feeling too hot in the sunshine, with my hat on, and with Greg sending all the heat in the car onto his cold feet.    On arrival, we went directly to the Chemotherapy Day Unit and after booking in, waited for Tej to come along and go through the consent forms, which had to be done again as this is a different drug to the ones I'd already consented to.    The side effects of  Abraxane  are pretty much the same as the docetaxel as the active drug is the same, but the suspension is different.   I've read various experiences from others who have had ...

I'm at risk of being a proper drama queen here, but I made a big decision over the weekend.   I have decided not to try and work through this chemotherapy treatment.   I am now officially on extended sick leave, and won't be back at work for another 8-9 weeks. Everyone I have had contact with has told me what a good idea that is, and that they completely understand. Some may have been waiting for this day to come.  I think others were hoping I would see the light, sooner or later, including Greg.   In fact, I sense he is relieved. Others might be too.   I hadn't quite realised how me trying to press on with work might be making other people anxious. It is something I have had in mind from the start, but as you know, had wanted to avoid.  Part of it is pride - wanting to keep my good sick record.  Part of it is social - not wanting to become isolated.   Part of it is wanting to continue with some normality. Part of it i...