Chemo #4 - this stage almost over
Today I had my final chemotherapy treatment, but it nearly didn't happen.
Clinic was yesterday, with Tej, and I reported that my bone aches had been worse but that I'd taken cocodamol and that helped control it. Tej reminded me that although this is my last chemotherapy, it doesn't end once the treatment has been delivered. The drugs will be in my system for another 3-4 weeks, and if I have any symptoms or questions, I need to call the chemo page line. She checked that the medical genetics referral had happened, and that my radiotherapy was all in hand.
She said she would also book my next MUGA (heart) scan for June, as this is done every 4 months during herceptin, and refer me back to Theresa Howe to discuss my next stage of hormonal treatment, as they don't want to put me back on Tamoxifen. She set my expectations that I may have to have injections of Zoladex to stop my ovaries making oestrogen until my ovaries can be removed. I'm fine with having it temporarily, but I don't want to be doing it for years. I just want those ovaries gone now!
When I got my blood tested, I also handed in the medical genetics blood test form, so I expect to hear from them in the next few months, and wonder if their new and improved testing will find any genetic activity that previous tests haven't picked up.
A mini-drama
Back to today's mini-drama. I arrived, had my herceptin in my left leg, and again while chatting to the nurse, she realised that I was also expecting to have my abraxane today too. Again, the appointments are on separate sheets, in different places, so the nurses don't realise I'm there for both. If she'd known, she'd have put my cannula in first. But she didn't, so the cannula was done after the herceptin. She tried one vein, which didn't blow, but the tube wouldn't go further up so she had to back up and try elsewhere. While she was faffing about elsewhere - always dashing about and getting sidetracked - I started to feel funny. I hadn't had any drugs apart from the herceptin and the anti-sickness tablets. I felt woozy, distant, light-headed and very hot. It happened in slow motion, and when a nurse was a little closer to me, I told her what was happening. But I was already coming back by that time. Greg came back with my coffee at that point and saw how pale I had gone.
It seems that it was either an allergic reaction to the herceptin, but the nurses didn't think it was - it would be unusual to have a reaction at your 4th treatment. Or I was dehydrated, so they kept telling me to drink more, put me on a saline drip and did observations for an hour or so. Before my treatment had started, my BP was a very normal 120/80. After my 'episode' it was 97/54. It gradually came up to 105/67 and they were happy to continue with the abraxane at that point. However, Greg had been watching me like a hawk since he returned and wanted them to do one more BP test before they continued. It was the same, but they said they were happy with that - it was the BP of a healthy, fit person!
The next hour passed without incident, so we are now done with the chemotherapy. I still have 14 more herceptin treatments at 3-weekly intervals to do, and the next of these is lined up to coincide with the first radiotherapy on 10th May, to save me travelling twice.
I'm now taking it easy, and rehydrating, and looking forward to reading my book in the sunshine tomorrow, before the aches and pains start at the weekend.
Thursday 19th April
After my BP dip, apart from feeling a little bit lightheaded walking Sydney (hence, kept it short), I felt fine. The sun was HOT and I sat outside for a bit, and finished the book that a friend had loaned me (The Girl with All the Gifts - a zombie story with a difference, not my normal kind of thing, but very well written and definitely a page turner!). My tummy was full of wind and a tad uncomfortable.
Friday 20th April
I woke with headache, backache and tummy cramps so today was the start of my pain killer regime to keep it all under control. I kept with ibuprofen and paracetamol today, intending to up it to cocodamol tomorrow. I needed to get some shopping so drove to Monmouth and took everything slowly, and because of the sun, went to Fat Face to buy a few new summer clothes. Well, gotta treat yourself sometime, eh? In the evening, we drove down to Wookey Farm with the caravan. We'd intended this to be a weekend where Greg tested out his motorbike camping, but being so close to my treatment, there was no way I would be able to sleep on the ground, in a tent, so we took the van instead.
Saturday & Sunday 21/22nd April
Had a lovely couple of days in the van. I kept up the ibuprofen/cocodamol regime, and managed to do a couple of walks into the village, but generally we didn't do a lot. That was the idea, really! Relaxation for me, and for Greg. Saturday evening's meal at the Ring O Bells pub was lovely, and as we left, we noted that sky was starting to fall in. We 'rushed' as fast as we could back to the van (I say rushed, but I really can't move all that fast!) through the thunder and lightening, and got back just before the heavens opened. We then had to hold Sydney for the next 45 minutes, as he really doesn't like thunder storms. On Sunday, the farm held it's Baby Goat Open Day, and lots of people were there. As campers, we can visit the goat sheds anytime, so we didn't need to pop along to it, and in fact, it meant we couldn't leave the site until the event was over as the lane approaching the farm is single lane with no passing places. It is narrow enough for the van without meeting anyone coming the other way! We left at 3pm, and overall, the pain killers did their job for me, although my legs twinged a lot and I had to be careful that they didn't give way suddenly while I was walking.
Monday 23rd April
My legs were twinging still - they ping, and my knee nearly gives out if I am walking, or I get a pain down my lower leg, if I'm sitting. I started getting the back/kidney pain again. Not feeling particularly energetic, but I will need to get some shopping this week. Not sure I need enough to justify an online delivery (min order £60).
Tuesday 24th April
Woke with really bad back/kidney pain today, and every time I get up, within 5 steps the flickering pain around my middle is kicking in. I'm now avoiding ibuprofen, and have had 3 days of cocodamol so just on plain paracetamol. I also have headaches today. I dragged myself around Waitrose, slowly, and did some knitting in the afternoon. Felt very low in the evening. Greg was also feeling tired and as though he had a migraine, with flashing lights in the corner of his vision, so he took himself to bed almost immediately after getting home and having dinner. I understand he wasn't feeling great, but after spending all day on my own and then the evening too, it made me even more sad. I had a little cry. Feeling poorly is bad enough, but poorly and lonely is even worse.
Wednesday 25th April
Mummy's 72nd birthday today, and I am really looking forward to seeing her (and Dad, and my brother & co) at the weekend. Even though I felt better for having a cry, a chat and cuddle with Greg last night, I am still feeling very sorry for myself today. It may be an emotional reaction to the end of chemotherapy, it might just be a low caused by this point in the cycle. I don't know, but I am feeling 'why me'? and really angry and sad that I am going through this treatment again. Maybe it is because there is less to focus on now. We're getting to the end of things, which is a good thing. But I am angry I'm here at all. The kidney/back pain is slightly less today, and expressing itself in diarrhea - again, probably a good thing, and a sign of the end of things. And although I am really looking forward to visiting family at the weekend, I am slightly jealous that Greg is having a boys weekend in Woolacombe. His friend Jamie had the offer of a static caravan, and his first thought was to take his mate away from all of the crap we're going through. I'm pleased for Greg. But, girlfriends, can I just say that I'd love someone to do the same for me too? I have such lovely friends and family, so I am really not complaining. I expect people worry about organising things for me and not knowing how I am going to be feeling, as I am often the one controlling and organising everything and clearly right now, everything is very up and down. But an afternoon tea or a spa day would be simply wonderful. And not having to be the one organising would be amazing. There. I've said it. While I'm ranting, I am also fed up of feeling like I'm doing everything. I'm still the only one cleaning the house, walking the dog, doing the shopping, cooking the dinner. Yes, I'm at home all day right now, but I am also sad and feeling like shit. You can't do right for doing wrong with me, can you!?!
Thursday 19th April
After my BP dip, apart from feeling a little bit lightheaded walking Sydney (hence, kept it short), I felt fine. The sun was HOT and I sat outside for a bit, and finished the book that a friend had loaned me (The Girl with All the Gifts - a zombie story with a difference, not my normal kind of thing, but very well written and definitely a page turner!). My tummy was full of wind and a tad uncomfortable.
Friday 20th April
I woke with headache, backache and tummy cramps so today was the start of my pain killer regime to keep it all under control. I kept with ibuprofen and paracetamol today, intending to up it to cocodamol tomorrow. I needed to get some shopping so drove to Monmouth and took everything slowly, and because of the sun, went to Fat Face to buy a few new summer clothes. Well, gotta treat yourself sometime, eh? In the evening, we drove down to Wookey Farm with the caravan. We'd intended this to be a weekend where Greg tested out his motorbike camping, but being so close to my treatment, there was no way I would be able to sleep on the ground, in a tent, so we took the van instead.Saturday & Sunday 21/22nd April
Had a lovely couple of days in the van. I kept up the ibuprofen/cocodamol regime, and managed to do a couple of walks into the village, but generally we didn't do a lot. That was the idea, really! Relaxation for me, and for Greg. Saturday evening's meal at the Ring O Bells pub was lovely, and as we left, we noted that sky was starting to fall in. We 'rushed' as fast as we could back to the van (I say rushed, but I really can't move all that fast!) through the thunder and lightening, and got back just before the heavens opened. We then had to hold Sydney for the next 45 minutes, as he really doesn't like thunder storms. On Sunday, the farm held it's Baby Goat Open Day, and lots of people were there. As campers, we can visit the goat sheds anytime, so we didn't need to pop along to it, and in fact, it meant we couldn't leave the site until the event was over as the lane approaching the farm is single lane with no passing places. It is narrow enough for the van without meeting anyone coming the other way! We left at 3pm, and overall, the pain killers did their job for me, although my legs twinged a lot and I had to be careful that they didn't give way suddenly while I was walking.Monday 23rd April
My legs were twinging still - they ping, and my knee nearly gives out if I am walking, or I get a pain down my lower leg, if I'm sitting. I started getting the back/kidney pain again. Not feeling particularly energetic, but I will need to get some shopping this week. Not sure I need enough to justify an online delivery (min order £60).
Tuesday 24th April
Woke with really bad back/kidney pain today, and every time I get up, within 5 steps the flickering pain around my middle is kicking in. I'm now avoiding ibuprofen, and have had 3 days of cocodamol so just on plain paracetamol. I also have headaches today. I dragged myself around Waitrose, slowly, and did some knitting in the afternoon. Felt very low in the evening. Greg was also feeling tired and as though he had a migraine, with flashing lights in the corner of his vision, so he took himself to bed almost immediately after getting home and having dinner. I understand he wasn't feeling great, but after spending all day on my own and then the evening too, it made me even more sad. I had a little cry. Feeling poorly is bad enough, but poorly and lonely is even worse.
Wednesday 25th April
Mummy's 72nd birthday today, and I am really looking forward to seeing her (and Dad, and my brother & co) at the weekend. Even though I felt better for having a cry, a chat and cuddle with Greg last night, I am still feeling very sorry for myself today. It may be an emotional reaction to the end of chemotherapy, it might just be a low caused by this point in the cycle. I don't know, but I am feeling 'why me'? and really angry and sad that I am going through this treatment again. Maybe it is because there is less to focus on now. We're getting to the end of things, which is a good thing. But I am angry I'm here at all. The kidney/back pain is slightly less today, and expressing itself in diarrhea - again, probably a good thing, and a sign of the end of things. And although I am really looking forward to visiting family at the weekend, I am slightly jealous that Greg is having a boys weekend in Woolacombe. His friend Jamie had the offer of a static caravan, and his first thought was to take his mate away from all of the crap we're going through. I'm pleased for Greg. But, girlfriends, can I just say that I'd love someone to do the same for me too? I have such lovely friends and family, so I am really not complaining. I expect people worry about organising things for me and not knowing how I am going to be feeling, as I am often the one controlling and organising everything and clearly right now, everything is very up and down. But an afternoon tea or a spa day would be simply wonderful. And not having to be the one organising would be amazing. There. I've said it. While I'm ranting, I am also fed up of feeling like I'm doing everything. I'm still the only one cleaning the house, walking the dog, doing the shopping, cooking the dinner. Yes, I'm at home all day right now, but I am also sad and feeling like shit. You can't do right for doing wrong with me, can you!?!
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